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What is “Weighting”? Weighting is waiting to do something you really want to do until you’ve lost weight, reached your goal weight, gotten skinny, in shape, etc.

I’ve been weighting my whole life. Weighting for everything: to love; be loved; love and accept myself; be this incredibly fit, light person; do all the physical things I want to do; start a business; ask for a raise; get a new job; believe I deserve anything good. To the uninitiated, I know this sounds harsh. But to those who weight, I know this sounds true.

It occurred to me a few years ago as I approached 40 that I may never lose weight. The idea of never losing weight and not doing anything I wanted to do was just too horrific.

When I moved to Austin in 2002 without a job and not knowing anyone, I gained 40lbs in 6 months topping out at about 220, even though I was walking almost every day. (I later realized that I was on an anti-depressant at the time).  I did not want to go on Weight Watchers which is always the way I’d lost weight before. I didn’t want to be the obsessed dieting girl I become when I can discuss the points in a donut versus the points in a half cup of rice ad nauseum.  I didn’t want to live like that.  I decided dieting was insane, that doing something over and over and expecting a different result was not the way to live. I consciously chose not to diet.

However.  Subconsciously my goal was to lose weight by exercising. Biking, running, swimming (two Danskin triathlons and a LiveStrong), karate, scuba diving, yoga. You name it, I tried it. And much of it at 200+lbs. I wanted to be as active as possible to take off the pounds. Although I’ve tried many things, there’s always the nagging feeling that it would be so much better if I would (not “could”) just lose weight. I also stopped eating at the fastest of the fast foods like McDonalds, increased the amount of vegetables in my diet even more and stopped drinking the Texas sodas. I lost 20lbs. In three years.

Then I read Good Calories Bad Calories by Gary Taubes and it changed my like, sort of.  I cut out carbs on January 3, 2008. t was like a dream come true. Except I couldn’t keep up with it. I was down about 20 lbs for most of the year, but by January 2009 I was at about 192. Almost all of the weight had come back on durign the holidays.

I’d never eaten this way before. Initially I did it because I was just so terrified by the book, and it’s true I expected to lose weight.  And I have to admit there were many many other benefits other than weight loss: flawless skin, no bizarre headaches, lack of hunger, no bloating, regularity, and my stomach didn’t hurt.  But no bread for the rest of my life? That seems as tragic.

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