start and stop

I wrote this last week. Last week sucked so I got back to it to actually post it. Here it is. A lot has happened since then.

This week I decided not to eat any sugar and much less bread, to lower the amount of sugar and starches that I’ve been eating from the high of the holidays.  My skin has been looking awful and I ‘m feeling bloated and I just wanted a clean slate.

I was not crazy with it. If a little slice of bread came with the soup I ate it (if it was good).  I ate dark chocolate. I do feel better, even though I ate dessert at a True Blood watching last night and I got high on sugar and caffeine this morning because I didn’t get to bed until 1am and I still woke up at 5:30.  I’ll eat dessert and bread tomorrow as well (have friends coming over for dinner) and maybe even Sunday.

My goal is to not eat sugar and bread every single day. This is doable. I’m not sure how I didn’t eat any sugar or bread for two whole months when I first tried a low carb diet.  I was so entranced with how much I was losing that I just didn’t, I guess. But I have to admit, the second I stopped losing I stopped the diet. We’re so trained to think of diets for weight loss that if we go on a diet and we don’t lose weight, we stop it even though we feel much better, and in my case, my skin was so flawless. (I didn’t realize how much I wanted flawless skin until I had it for a couple of months.)

But dieting to lose weight is just no longer an option.  Now I’m at a place where I think, life is too short not to enjoy the lovely bread I make or dessert or anything else (non-food) for that matter.  If I’m fat, I’m fat. For those who say, I’m shortening my life by eating this way… you’re morons.  I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

I will exercise moderately (well actually I love vigorous workouts) 3-4 times a week but that’s all I can promise. And when I say promise I mean promise myself. I’m tired of lying to myself so I can make someone else feel better about me.

Would I like to drop 50lbs? Sure. Is that likely to happen? No. Am I going to beat myself up when it doesn’t? Probably. That’s being honest.

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January 21, 2010. Tags: , , . Uncategorized.

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