the most wonderful time of the year

I’m so fucking tired of exercise and weight loss commercials. Seriously, do I need people telling me every five minutes that my life is meaningless and a waste of time if I’m not thin with a flat stomach.

These commercials play on people’s self hatred, their sense of worthlessness, which most of us have whether we’re thin or not. It’s just that if you’re fat the world tells you you’re justified in your self-hatred. I’m so sick of hating myself because I’m fat. I’m so sick of the next plot to get thin. It’s all so tiresome. I just want to eat what I want.

Oprah said “I started eating whatever I wanted — and that’s never good.” What else does this apply to? Let’s change the word ‘eating’ to see what happens:

I started doing whatever I wanted — and that’s never good.

I started saying whatever I wanted — and that’s never good.

I started fucking whomever I wanted — and that’s never good.

I started living how I wanted — and that’s never good.

I started believing whatever I wanted — and that’s never good.

See where I’m going with this? Sometimes I feel like my life is just all about the suppression of desire.  Food, sex, what I say, what I do, what I even think.  Do I really need to suppress every desire I’ve ever had?  Can I even figure out what I want? There are so many ‘No! Bad Girl!’ shouts I have no idea any more. Have I ever known.

My stomach hurts.

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January 11, 2009. Tags: , , , . Uncategorized.

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