Biggest Loser

Last night was my fourth Biggest Loser finale. I’m not sure why I didn’t watch it the first two seasons, but I’m hooked now. Every time I watch the finale I’m amazed at the amount of weight people have lost in 4 or 5 (or 6? it’s hard to tell) months. It’s incredibly motivating, and as I watch I always think, “I can do that”.

But clearly I can’t, because I haven’t. Yet? I baked cookies during the show. Mexican wedding cookies to be exact. I’ve been craving them and they are delicious. And I’d had lasagna before the cookies, meat and pasta which I’d also been craving. But still I watched the finale thinking: I can do that. Really I can. I could eat right, get up and workout for an hour in the morning and then for another hour (or what the hell! 2) after work. Easily.  I have the time. I’m not married, I have no kids to take care of. I’m not someone who doesn’t take care of herself because I’m too busy taking care of others. That’s not my story.

So what is my story? I’ve decided to just eat what I want for the holidays. The frustration of trying not to eat any holiday goodies is too much. But as I lay in bed last night, my stomach hurting, I couldn’t help wonder what my freaking story is? How is it that I can eat things that I know are going to make me sick? I’m not even talking about weight loss at this point, although being a Biggest Loser wannabe clearly that’s the goal too. I’m talking about eating something that I know will cause me physical pain, learning yesterday, post colonoscopy, that the tests really aren’t that accurate.  What makes me do that?  If I were diabetic would I say “Oh I’ll just eat sweets during the holidays and then I’ll stop”? Honestly at this point I think I would. Even though I could lose a foot. I could lose my eyesight, kidneys, the list goes on with diabetes.

But I don’t have diabetes. I have only my inner voice telling me what hurts and what doesn’t. Why won’t I listen?

p.s. I’m so glad Vicky didn’t win! Michelle rules!!!

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December 17, 2008. Tags: , , , . Uncategorized.

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